


She's Rather Like Loki

by NotSoMetalKnightmare



Series: vent your feelings, open the vents, like an insect, your body has holes [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Suicidal Thoughts, self hatred, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 20:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13015500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoMetalKnightmare/pseuds/NotSoMetalKnightmare
Summary: Why can't she just change?





	She's Rather Like Loki

**Author's Note:**

> Warning; may trigger bad thoughts

She feels like a "Loki"  
She feels like a god, one who is just beginning to grow  
Right now her words are clumsy, her lies feeble  
It fucks her up  
She can feel the potential  
Stories boil in her blood  
But unlike blood, they won't flow  
She feels useless

She feels like Loki  
People stare  
People stare at her and her skin crawls  
They stare because she can't be good enough  
Not even her lies are good enough  
Not even her truths  
After all  
Whether she lies  
Or tells the truth  
Her face always wears a gruesome smile 

She feels like Loki  
Because she swears she can feel their lies  
They tell her that her smile is beautiful  
Sometimes they're being honest  
But sometimes  
Even through the haze of stunted senses, baffled by life  
She knows they find her ugly  
They have a good reason to  
She can craft words, but for some reason  
Her manic smile always twitches and betrays

"Loki, what did you do?"  
Even when it's true, it hurts  
She remembers being a little girl  
Shunned because of the whispered words  
"She's different"  
Teacher #1, Teacher #2, Teacher #3, Teacher #4, Teacher #5.....  
They all chorus, one after another  
"What did you do?"  
Even when it's nothing, even when the others snicker  
"Please," she says  
"I'm not the culprit this time"  
But her smile makes them think otherwise 

"Loki, why do you smile?"  
"You're giving yourself away!"  
"Why, you must've not been trying hard to fool me"  
"After all,"  
All together now  
"You only ever smile like that when you're guilty!"

She doesn't feel like Loki  
She's not a liar  
She swears

But then she fucking lies  
She sees now why they thought her to be dishonest  
She had it easy, and it's so easy to lie  
"Where were you?" "In class"  
"What were you doing?" "My schoolwork"  
"Did you behave?" "Like an angel"  
"Was it a good day?" "Left me skipping with joy"  
"Have a good day" "You too, thank you"  
Those were just the tiny things  
Tiny things like  
"Do you want to die?" "No"

She's scared she'll wake up on a rock  
That her Ragnarok will be at her doorstep  
Snake-spit is not what's she deserves  
But she fears it's what she'll get  
After all,  
Loki; the trickster, mother of monsters, silvertongue, liar  
Feared, and hated the most of all  
Because this Loki's brand of lies is unique  
Specially made:  
Truths plucked from the air, from your soul-strings  
Aim just-so, just so it'll hurt

Lies to the self are the most common for her  
Why tell others lies when she can warp her own thoughts?  
Others won't change  
They're feeble-minded, yet stubborn things  
Resistant to change, and compassion  
Worms who think they're born with a right to breed  
Or even just breathe  
She tries to ignore these disgusting, plentiful worms  
Focuses on fantasy  
In the world of her mind, crafted by lies  
She can be Loki  
King of the worms

That's the only thing she can be, after all  
Since even her lies don't work

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for being all angsty 
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> Edit: but omg! ty Irene2005 for being the first to give me kudos!


End file.
